It Really Sucks Being Fat

If you're skinny you have no idea what I'm talking about. If you're skinny but you think you're fat you might think you know what I'm talking about, but you have no idea. Here's a secret: fat people find it annoying when skinny people complain about being fat.

I want to make this funny so I won't depress you and tell you all the ways it sucks to be fat, but trust me it really really sucks. Every time I didn't get a job or felt like I wasn't taken seriously I had to wonder if it was because I'm fat. I was good enough to be great friends with lots of guys, but the ones that ask me out have mainly been bi polar, homeless, on welfare, or many years older than I. There was that one man who lived in the public housing project I worked in. He was friendly enough. Too bad he always answered his door naked, because he could have been a keeper. Basically I feel like I have had to work 10 times as hard as everyone else to prove that I'm an ok person. Do you believe me yet? Maybe I'm still trying to convince myself.

It sucks to be fat for a lot of reasons. Here are my top 10:

10. I work with little kids, and I'm really really tired of them asking me if I'm pregnant, or saying I have big muscles when I really just have really fat arms, or grabbing some part of me, making it jiggle, and laughing.

9.  It's really embarrassing when you go to a friend's house or your boss's house and the chair you are sitting in breaks. A weaker person might have run out the door crying. I took the high road and blamed the chair.

8. I can't wrap a towel all the way around my body. I think this has been a bigger problem for roommates, those who lived in my college dorm, and my family than it has been for me. I didn't have to see my big rear hanging out as long as I avoided the mirror.

7. You might not realize this, but fat floats. This is both good and bad. I can't really swim underwater, which is frustrating when swimming for fun. This could be a good thing though if I ever fall off a boat in the middle of the ocean. Treading water is pretty easy for me.

6. Teeter totters have always posed a problem.

5. I have rolls. Warm moist places breed rashes. I won't gross you out with the details.

4. I like to travel, but traveling becomes less enjoyable when you have to ask the stewardess for more seat belt. One time I stole a seat belt extension from delta so I wouldn't have to ask again on my connecting flight. Joke was on me. They had a different kind of seat belt on the new plane. I began a life of crime and still had to ask for one.

3. I get terrible gas mileage.

2. I almost always lose at hide and seek.

1. I can only buy poorly made clothes that cost a lot of money cause they are all that fit. I wear sweaters in the summer to hide my arm cleavage. Yes I have arm cleavage. One size might fit all but never me.


So there are a lot of reasons being fat sucks. It sucks so much that I think I'm going to have surgery to try and be thin. This makes me sad. I hate that it has come to this. I'm starting this blog as a way to help myself cope. To make it funner. Cause as much as being fat sucks, what if not being fat sucks just as much?