Impulse Control

One thing I have always had a problem with is thinking caring about the future.  I don't mean when I grow up or retirement.  Well actually I never opened a 401K, so yes that too.  One time my mentorish person told me that she was more of a Buddhist and liked to live in the moment.  I'm sorry Jesus!  I never meant to be a Buddhist, but I find myself always living in the moment.

Some examples of how I've lived in the moment:

• Oh I can put this on a credit card and worry about it later.  
• Someday I will cancel the Chaz Dean hair products that are automatically shipped to me and debited from my account, but I don't even really like it.  I was in the moment when I ordered off an infomercial, and I'm too busy in every other moment to bother with canceling it. 
• My desk at school is really messy, but I'll save that for another moment to clean it up. 
• I can eat this now.  I'll eat better (lose weight, diet, pay for it for years to come) later.

Thankfully, this is not my fault.  I am a therapist, so I know that a symptom of PTSD is foreshortened sense of future.  Like you always think you're going to die, so you don't worry about tomorrow.  I'm pretty sure I still have PTSD from getting shot and from that time after Andrea got engaged.   Andrea is my best friend, on the night her then boyfriend was going to propose we planned a surprise celebration for her back in the dorms.  Well she came back, I opened the door and yelled surprise, looked down and saw there was no ring on her finger, slammed door, and screamed.  See that was obviously traumatic for me.  So, it's obviously Andrea's fault I'm fat.  She gave me PTSD and a foreshortened sense of the future which has led me to not think about the consequences when I am engaging in unhealthy behavior today.

(Andrea, I will accept your written apology.)

This brings me to the topic of impulse control.  I spend hours every week working on teaching little hellions clients to control their impulses.   I tell them to "stop and think" when they have the impulse to do something that will get them into trouble.  We talk about not letting your impulses control you.

I have a lot of impulses to eat cheese.

When I have the impulse to eat something bad for me, I need to stop and think.  How will this affect me in the future.  Then hard part is that I need to try really hard to care.  

I need to make changes in my life, and one thing I see (not like its a new revelation) is that food controls me.  I think about it all day long.  I'm happier when I'm eating or especially if I'm out to eat with friends.  Everything I do seems to center around food, and yet I'm not supposed to eat a lot of it or eat what tastes good.  Well I tell kids not to let their impulses control them, and I'm tired of food controlling me.  I want it not to matter so much to me.  How do I change the entire way my mind works though?

All I can do is try.